How to Be Fine in a Long Distance Relationship
"Well, are you guys going to break up?"
Long.......
Distance.......
Relationship?
It's not for everyone. Most couples do not even know the feeling of being apart for more than a week. Approx. 40% of long distance relationships (LDR) do not work. The stakes are high and it's hard to be lonely.
We need to talk about the 60% that actually work and how to make it work. I relocated to a new city for work after being with my significant other for 8 years. I moved to a city 14 hours away by car so driving back and forth was out of the question.
My current stats: I have been in a long distance relationship for 5.5 years. Of those 5.5 years; 2 were while being engaged and 1 being married. I'm still currently in a LDR as I write this. GASP!
Let's ask what everyone asks "Why?" or "Well, are you guys going to break up?"
Why? Because we knew a LDR is only a temporary phase in our relationship. We had a strong foundation of being together for 8 years. I had to leave to get ahead in my career field in the same way an 18 year old heads to college in another state. Temporary sacrifice for long term gains. That was and still is the plan.
Breakup? There isn't a reason to if both individuals are committed.
There is a lot of ways to make it through a LDR however; there are standard principles that will always apply no matter what.
1. You must establish a rhythm of communication. You must discuss if either or both of you enjoy "Good Morning" and "Good Night" texts or calls. You must discuss if you like frequent calls or text throughout the day or if you rather opt for a longer call or FaceTime session at night. You should take it a bit further and let your significant other know you made it safely to work or that you made it to a happy hour with "so and so" so they know what's going on in your daily life. There is a grey area that this opens up because you don't want to see your partner on Instagram at a happy hour you did not even know they attended. Or worst is someone telling you two days later they saw you on "so and so's IG story at happy hour" and you didn't even know. You must tell it each other what you prefer and find a common ground with communication.
2. You have to establish the frequency of meeting in person. Do you see each other on all holidays? Every three months? This is different for everyone and no right or wrong way. It's an understanding. You may alternate who goes to which location or it's understood that you may meet somewhere in between. Do not let outsiders make you or your partner feel bad for missing out on a holiday such as Labor Day when you have a trip planned the week after when flights are cheaper. That is for you two to work out and no one else's input should matter. However; I strongly suggest you never depart from one another without a plan on the next in person meet-up. That has always helped us because leaving is hard but knowing you only have one more month until the next time helps tremendously.
3. You have to establish a light at the end of the tunnel. You must know when this temporary phase of being apart will be over. This is a non-negotiable. If you do not know this; you may be a part of the 40% that do not make it. However; speaking from personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel may fluctuate. Our plans changed once we got into the details of the cost of living in one location over the other. What's hard to deal with is everyone asking when is the light at the end of the tunnel and you two haven't worked out the specifics. Obviously, your friends and family mean well by asking this so you must keep calm and let them know you two are still working it out but do not have an answer yet.
Those are the key principles that must be established if you are in an LDR. It's not easy. Actually, it's hard AF. However; if you find yourself in one; my tips to get through include:
1. Get travel savvy. If you can drive to one another; learn the main route and alternate routes in the event of traffic delays or a road closure. Map when to leave to avoid traffic. If you have to fly to one another; you have to learn flight trends. Booking a flight in advance on a Tuesday will typically yield lower airfares. Get all the frequent flyer miles and pay them with a credit card that also earns airline points for double rewards. During my peak travel time; I was a Platinum Delta member (*removes dirt off shoulder*) which means I did not have to pay to check luggage and eligible for upgrades. I would buy my flights with an American Express Delta credit card to earn more points. I used those points to book more flights. (I have since fallen to Gold status but that's a rant for another day.)
2. Take a lot of pictures when you are together. How many? A shit-ton. These photos will be needed when you feel lonely or need a reminder of why you are doing the long distance thing in the first place.
3. STAY FOCUSED. Remove yourself from any environment where you could compromise your relationship. Do not go to a bar alone and talk to that guy when you just had an argument with your man. Dassit. Just stay focused. I dived into work. I didn't turn down a project. I added more to my plate everyday and I got promoted twice. If I was subjecting myself to a LDR; I better be doing it for a damn good reason.
4. Work on yourself. This is your time to be selfish. Workout, read, and/or start a new hobby. You may not get these selfish years back. Enjoy them. Eat what you want without worrying about what someone else wants to eat. Women have that problem so bad. We always worry about what someone else wants to eat that we will sacrifice and go with our partner's choice. I'm getting my sushi and it's the raw kind that makes most people cringe:) #sushiSnob #Come@meBro
5. Plan one big trip a year. This is a luxury but if you can; set aside a joint account just for this yearly trip. This helps the two of you look forward to this big event and something to talk about other than the norm. You can only ask each other "What did you eat today?" so much. It's more exciting to discuss the hotel, the restaurants, and the events of your upcoming trip.
Every relationship is different. There are a lot of LDRs that make it because the couples have established the principles of their relationship and use the tips that work for them. The strength of the relationship is tested. There is no doubt about that. If two people love each other; they can make it through anything.
Go be Fine. Namaste.
by T. Singleton
Long.......
Distance.......
Relationship?
It's not for everyone. Most couples do not even know the feeling of being apart for more than a week. Approx. 40% of long distance relationships (LDR) do not work. The stakes are high and it's hard to be lonely.
We need to talk about the 60% that actually work and how to make it work. I relocated to a new city for work after being with my significant other for 8 years. I moved to a city 14 hours away by car so driving back and forth was out of the question.
My current stats: I have been in a long distance relationship for 5.5 years. Of those 5.5 years; 2 were while being engaged and 1 being married. I'm still currently in a LDR as I write this. GASP!
Let's ask what everyone asks "Why?" or "Well, are you guys going to break up?"
Why? Because we knew a LDR is only a temporary phase in our relationship. We had a strong foundation of being together for 8 years. I had to leave to get ahead in my career field in the same way an 18 year old heads to college in another state. Temporary sacrifice for long term gains. That was and still is the plan.
Breakup? There isn't a reason to if both individuals are committed.
There is a lot of ways to make it through a LDR however; there are standard principles that will always apply no matter what.
1. You must establish a rhythm of communication. You must discuss if either or both of you enjoy "Good Morning" and "Good Night" texts or calls. You must discuss if you like frequent calls or text throughout the day or if you rather opt for a longer call or FaceTime session at night. You should take it a bit further and let your significant other know you made it safely to work or that you made it to a happy hour with "so and so" so they know what's going on in your daily life. There is a grey area that this opens up because you don't want to see your partner on Instagram at a happy hour you did not even know they attended. Or worst is someone telling you two days later they saw you on "so and so's IG story at happy hour" and you didn't even know. You must tell it each other what you prefer and find a common ground with communication.
2. You have to establish the frequency of meeting in person. Do you see each other on all holidays? Every three months? This is different for everyone and no right or wrong way. It's an understanding. You may alternate who goes to which location or it's understood that you may meet somewhere in between. Do not let outsiders make you or your partner feel bad for missing out on a holiday such as Labor Day when you have a trip planned the week after when flights are cheaper. That is for you two to work out and no one else's input should matter. However; I strongly suggest you never depart from one another without a plan on the next in person meet-up. That has always helped us because leaving is hard but knowing you only have one more month until the next time helps tremendously.
3. You have to establish a light at the end of the tunnel. You must know when this temporary phase of being apart will be over. This is a non-negotiable. If you do not know this; you may be a part of the 40% that do not make it. However; speaking from personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel may fluctuate. Our plans changed once we got into the details of the cost of living in one location over the other. What's hard to deal with is everyone asking when is the light at the end of the tunnel and you two haven't worked out the specifics. Obviously, your friends and family mean well by asking this so you must keep calm and let them know you two are still working it out but do not have an answer yet.
Those are the key principles that must be established if you are in an LDR. It's not easy. Actually, it's hard AF. However; if you find yourself in one; my tips to get through include:
1. Get travel savvy. If you can drive to one another; learn the main route and alternate routes in the event of traffic delays or a road closure. Map when to leave to avoid traffic. If you have to fly to one another; you have to learn flight trends. Booking a flight in advance on a Tuesday will typically yield lower airfares. Get all the frequent flyer miles and pay them with a credit card that also earns airline points for double rewards. During my peak travel time; I was a Platinum Delta member (*removes dirt off shoulder*) which means I did not have to pay to check luggage and eligible for upgrades. I would buy my flights with an American Express Delta credit card to earn more points. I used those points to book more flights. (I have since fallen to Gold status but that's a rant for another day.)
2. Take a lot of pictures when you are together. How many? A shit-ton. These photos will be needed when you feel lonely or need a reminder of why you are doing the long distance thing in the first place.
3. STAY FOCUSED. Remove yourself from any environment where you could compromise your relationship. Do not go to a bar alone and talk to that guy when you just had an argument with your man. Dassit. Just stay focused. I dived into work. I didn't turn down a project. I added more to my plate everyday and I got promoted twice. If I was subjecting myself to a LDR; I better be doing it for a damn good reason.
4. Work on yourself. This is your time to be selfish. Workout, read, and/or start a new hobby. You may not get these selfish years back. Enjoy them. Eat what you want without worrying about what someone else wants to eat. Women have that problem so bad. We always worry about what someone else wants to eat that we will sacrifice and go with our partner's choice. I'm getting my sushi and it's the raw kind that makes most people cringe:) #sushiSnob #Come@meBro
5. Plan one big trip a year. This is a luxury but if you can; set aside a joint account just for this yearly trip. This helps the two of you look forward to this big event and something to talk about other than the norm. You can only ask each other "What did you eat today?" so much. It's more exciting to discuss the hotel, the restaurants, and the events of your upcoming trip.
Every relationship is different. There are a lot of LDRs that make it because the couples have established the principles of their relationship and use the tips that work for them. The strength of the relationship is tested. There is no doubt about that. If two people love each other; they can make it through anything.
Go be Fine. Namaste.
by T. Singleton
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